Relationships and red flags come hand-in-hand. However, people often tend to ignore them and regret later. Swati, a product manager in her late 20s, was dating a guy for the last few months. She met him on one of the online dating apps.
After chatting virtually for some time, they both decided that it's the right time to meet in person. So, they fixed their first date. After that went well, the second date happened and then the third. Most of the time during those dates, Swati took the centre stage when it comes to conversations. She discussed several interesting topics like the history of coffee, the evolution of pizza, the influence of European food habits on ours, etc.
But it was her fourth date when she observed something strange. Like always, she initiated the conversation on that day too. But she saw her date nodding absentmindedly while giving all his attention to slurping noodles. HE WASN’T LISTENING.
She didn’t realize this the first time as she was too into him that time. And we can understand that. But now when she is reflecting on all her dates, one thing is common - He never discussed or listened to things that mattered to her or even himself. Had she thrown her rosy glasses of looking at her relationship away, she could have easily spotted this red flag. Also, she could’ve saved herself from mourning over a tub of ice cream and rewatching Bridget Jones Diary to gather herself all over again.
Well, there are many people like Swati who ignore red flags and end up getting disappointed. We all must have come across this at some point in our lives. So, don’t feel disheartened - We all are guilty of this crime. Now is the time to rectify them. Wondering how?
Well, we can start with a few obvious things that we all overlook and then regret. Since the pandemic struck us, we have become so vulnerable in making new connections online. And because of that, we are ignoring even minor red flags that can hurt your peace of mind in the future. To ensure you don’t end up hurting yourself, we asked a few users to compile a few common red flags that you must notice.
Space is one of the most common terms you will hear in a relationship. Space is kind of a place where relationships breathe. So, it is one thing to feel comfortable and share personal things and altogether different things to constantly suggest and complain. If your date is giving you innumerable should-haves and could-haves in your first or second date itself, there are high chances that person might get controlling and aggressive in the future. To identify this red flag, you need to observe closely because you might not see it at first. So, always watch out for such behavior, and if it persists for a few dates, confront them about it. At any cost, don’t ignore this red flag.
Asking for a suggestion is a different thing but you surely wouldn’t want someone who relies on you for everything - A restaurant to meet, what to order, what to wear, etc. This is something about which you need to be careful. You can ignore one or two such instances. But if it’s a habit, you should cut off your ties. Chances are they might be fighting a low self-confidence and this could reflect in your relationship later down the road. Having no opinion or holding back from sharing their opinions is a red flag to watch out for.
When we date someone, we all want some kind of physical intimacy eventually. However, if a person is showing signs of restlessness by bouncing at every opportunity to make gross, sexual comments, you need to take a step back and think. Because this surely is a red flag. It is perfectly okay to get comfortable with our betterhalf. However, if someone is not yet ready for sexual advances and the other keeps hinting at gross bodily things, maybe you don’t want to keep the relationship with such a person.
When you are in a relationship, you want to indulge in passionate, intense talks and not in a monologue. Right? So, if your partner thinks that you are always in a TED-talk mode, that’s when you should be analyzing certain behaviors. Suppose every time you talk, your partner keeps himself/herself busy in scrolling reels or just nodding without any eye contact. Well, this perfectly indicates that they are nothing but pretending. Another red flag is whenever you start discussing something, they cut you short saying that ‘Oh! Fir se start ho gayi tum!!” BAM! There, they have rubbed it on your face.
Many of us must have faced situations where our partner was all charming, flirty, and funny in the initial few weeks after connecting on a matrimonial app. But once they knew you were interested in them, all the spark and interest wavered. Let us tell you when such a thing happens - When the opposite person is not genuinely looking for a commitment. When they are taking longer to reply than before. Or when they wait for a day to get back to you. Or even worse, the conversations simply stop - a dead-end. Your match does not want to take the connection forward whereas you keep trying. However, you have to stop sometimes as, without mutual interaction, such conversations get meaningless. This is one of those red flags where you should address to get a clearer picture regarding where your relationship is headed to.
Since the time you started dating this new match, have they only been talking about themselves? How have they unlocked the best versions of themselves? Do they always talk about their professional life and how they handle difficult situations?
Well, these all are the signs of self-absorbed nature. Because it is one thing to share your professional life but another to keep blabbering about it all day long. A person behaves in such a way because of their deep-rooted insecurities. Moreover, if a person behaves in such a pretentious manner, the ice between you two will remain intact, and you will never find comfort in your relationship.
Once you connect with a person on matrimonial or dating apps, you want to be true to them about feeling and vice versa. Sharing is also an important aspect of any relationship. However, one should not bring unnecessary past trauma and emotional scars into the conversation frequently. You have to move on as you cannot live in your past. Also, it’s not a healthy practice to let yourself be traumatized by your past. If your partner is behaving like this, you should understand that s/he has not healed and moved on from the past. This could create further problems in your relationship as you proceed further if you don’t discuss it.
We hope that these red flags will help you identify the right person. At, Betterhalf.ai, we help people find their partner who perfectly aligns with their interests and wavelengths with the power of artificial intelligence at our disposal. Now, what are you waiting for! Sign up now.