The Real Reason Why I’m Choosing To Be Single Today and Maybe Forever!


Love. It is that one thing that we all seek in our life all the time. We yearn to be loved by someone. We feel different when we are in love. Love changes our perspective about everything. When in love, people start finding happiness in the smallest of things. In the words of the pathbreaking author, activist, and feminist Bell Hooks —

"To truly love, we must learn to mix various ingredients — care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication."

But finding love is not easy. It has never been. It's 2021, and finding love is still a play of luck for many of us. You need a definite amount of luck and certainly not just for a night or day, for a substantial amount of time. I am generally a positive person, but I’ve been trying to find my betterhalf, who can love me, for years now. And when it comes to this subject, I’ve been turning into a cynic. Or I’ve already become a cynic. I honestly don’t know. I am fully aware of couples in the real world who make us believe in happily-ever-after all the time. But then, higher divorce rates make me repel this idea of falling for someone. You can say I fear to love exactly when I want this one thing most.

If we turn back the clock a few decades, we would not find commitment issues between couples. Partly because of the limited options at their disposal. They didn’t have the option of leaving everything aside and forming new genuine connections with humans at their fingertips; a touch of a button. Back then, they needed wingmen/women to find decent dates for each other, who can help you meet with your potential betterhalf. And today, here we are - Swiping left, right, all around, all too fast without any care which makes me wonder if we’ve lost our innocence or sincerity along the way.

People always ask me to never stop believing in the idea of love and that I can find my betterhalf at any stage of my life. But when I say I want to focus on my career for the time being, which is why I’m not ready for a relationship right now, they assume I’m saying this to make myself feel better. Or worse, they assume me to be delusional.

I don’t mind their assumptions. Because they are right, I can manage my work and relationship together. I know a right relationship and Betterhalf would only add more value to my life and not take away anything from it. But that’s not half the truth.

Truth is that I’m not ready for the kind of relationship that is the new ‘norm’ today. Why? Because they require a ridiculous investment of time, energy, and focus. And I am afraid of a bad return.

Let me tell you the full scenario. I will get on a matchmaking or dating app. Soon, I will connect with some guy. He will do nice flirty things. I will do the same. We will start to have fun. Two months into, the fizz will start to lose. In the third month, I will be pondering about what went wrong. And this has happened to me quite a few times.

So, I don’t have it in me to play flirtatious with one guy for a few months. I have tried enough, and I don’t want to be stuck in this never-ending loop. And stop right now if you are going to tell me that this mindless loop of play will not affect my focus at work. Let me tell you that I am an all-or-nothing kind of person, so, unfortunately, it does affect my work.

“I do not merely go on a date with someone to have a great night. No. I go on dates to give love a chance. To find my betterhalf with whom I can have a great life.”

But it seems like, in current times, everybody is too occupied and strict about giving each other chances. Well, chances are great, but isn’t making a choice greater?

We all have witnessed how dating in India has evolved over the years, but, unfortunately, our society has not accepted it yet. It is 2021, but we still need to filter our life partner prospects by religion, caste, cultural differences, community, etc. Forget about winning over gender differences, we haven’t even resolved our basic differences yet. According to a popular belief, matters of the heart are beyond our control. Even though, essentially, the heart does not have time for all of this as it is too preoccupied with running the smooth functioning of our bodies to manage any more tasks.

According to science, love is simply a chemical addiction kindled by jumpy hormones and neurotransmitters. The point I am trying to make here is that, even if you happen to find an amazing person and fall in love with him/her, neurotransmitters rarely get charged up for ships that are safe in their harbor. What if both of you have cultural differences? Many people give up on love and potential betterhalf, because of these petty issues instead of resolving them like adults.

“Romeo and Juliet may have belonged to the Shakespearean era, but India didn’t treat Laila Majnu and Sohni Mahiwaal too well, either. Unfortunately, hate still wins over love, differences still win over acceptance. People move on, but it is no less heartbreaking today than it was then. And this makes me sad.”

I know that love happens. Also, people say the same or they speak only what they learned over the years from Bollywood. But in my opinion, we meet different people in our lives but how do we find love without settling for patriarchy, mindless games is still a question! And seeing the present state, it will remain a question in upcoming years, too.

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