Dating. It is one of those modern terms which holds different meanings to different generations. For some, it’s just another way of meeting new people and knowing them. For some, it’s a way of finding the love of their life with whom they can go forward with marriage. But when you are going on your first date, you always have some butterflies in your stomach. You start imagining different scenarios and situations that might happen on your first date. You ask your friends about this and almost all of them suggest you be your authentic self.
By being authentic, they mean you stay true to yourself; do not pretend anything. Being authentic is the only way to find someone real. However, while everybody suggests you be authentic, nobody tells you how to be the same on your first date. Well, you can’t say this now. Here are some tips that will help you to be your most authentic self on a date whether it's your first or second. We hope they will give you the much-needed comfort and you will come out as a much calming person on the other side of this read.
Chill, this will not be your last date!
Yes, first of all, you should try to make peace with this thought before going on to any date. This is one of the major concerns and fears among people that what if this date would be my last. And out of this fear, they start to stop being themselves and act like someone else’s. This fear alone makes people mimic other personalities. So, the right way to be your authentic self on a date is to treat this date as a moment and not an end-to-be-all. Try to focus on the present and stop thinking about any judgment. This will help you become calm and you’ll be automatically confident in your real self. Remember, a first date is supposed to be fun and not stressful. When you register this thought in your mind, you will be able to enjoy your dating life more.
Focus on Common Interests
Once you are on a date and have started your conversation, you will find new things about your date. It might be possible that you will be listening to some of those things for the first time in your life. But there must be some common things too. To calm your nerves, focus on those common interests for the time being. Since you already know about them, you will be more authentic talking about them with your date. And this conversation will lead to something more meaningful. It can be as little as a common favorite scene or dialogue or a line from a song. The commonalities between you help the conversation to be free-flowing and in this process, you will feel more relaxed.
Remind Yourself to Relax
Everyone around you must be giving advice about what to do on your first date, where to go, what to eat, what to wear, etc. And we understand that it can be overwhelming to you. Suggestions and advice from everywhere can make you more stressed about your date. That’s why it is crucial to remind yourself to relax before a date. When you are trying to be authentic, you must keep relaxed. During your date also, if your nerves start to get better of you, remind yourself to relax with some safeword like ‘I am present here’ or ‘This moment is good’. These are just some examples, you can make your own. The idea, here, is to distract yourself from the anxious thoughts so that you can be calm.
Don’t Worry About the Result, Focus on the Process.
This is one of the sayings that almost every thinker advises people to follow. When you focus on the result, you lose track of the process. And this is one of the big mistakes you commit on a date. Don’t start imagining marriage on the first date itself.
The key to being authentic is to focus on your process and not think about whether you will get the next date or not. Remember, the more you will focus on the process, the more relaxed you will be. Also, it is a fair possibility that you might not always get desired results with the process but until and unless your process is right, you should not worry about it. If you are sure about the process, you will be able to present yourself in the most authentic way possible.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
There cannot be a better way to be authentic on a date than to listen to your date empathetically. When you give all your honest attention to listening to what your date, is saying, you will be able to respond more genuinely. This will help you give your honest opinions about the conversation. So, instead of getting nervous about what to talk about on the date, try to listen more and the conversation will flow by itself. Don’t try to impress your date by talking about unnecessary things. Listening is also an art and if you do it in the right way, the chances of going on a next date will also increase. Remember to be present wholeheartedly on the date because you’re not talking on a matrimony app. You have to be there to listen to your date.